(unless you’re an established food blogger — your recipe posts predate instagram food photo porn and you obviously know what you’re doing)

“Tacky”

” It might seem crazy, wearing stripes with plaid

  (because I’m tacky when)

 I instagram every meal I’ve had

 All my used liquor bottles are on display

 We can go to see a show but I’ll make you pay

[Chorus:]

“because I’m tacky (when  i…)

 Wear my belt with suspenders and sandals with my socks

 because I’m tacky (when  i…)

 Got some new glitter Uggs and lovely pink sequined crocs

 because I’m tacky (when i…)

 Never let you forget some favor I did for you

  If you’re okay with that, then, you might just be tacky, too

(because I’m tacky when i…)

“I meet some chick, ask her this and that

 Like ‘Are you pregnant girl, or just really fat?’ (what?)

 (because I’m tacky when i…)

 Well, now I’m dropping names almost constantly

 That’s what Kanye West keeps telling me, here’s why

 

[Chorus:]

 “because I’m tacky (when  i…)

 Wear my Ed Hardy shirt with fluorescent orange pants

 because I’m tacky (when i…)

 Got my new resume it’s printed in Comic Sans

 because I’m tacky (when i…)

 Think it’s fun threatening waiters with a bad Yelp review

 because I’m tacky (when i…)

 If you think that’s just fine, then, you’re probably tacky, too

 

[Bridge:]

“Bring me shame, can’t nothing

 Bring me shame, I never know why

 Bring me shame, can’t nothing

 … Bring me shame, it’s pointless to try 

 [Chorus:]

 “because I’m tacky (when i use…)

  43 Bumper Stickers and a YOLO license plate

  because I’m tacky (when i…)

  Bring along my coupon book whenever I’m on a date

  because I’m tacky (when i…)

  Practice my twerking moves in line at the DMV

  because I’m tacky (when i…)

  Take the whole bowl of restaurant mints. Hey, it said they’re free

  because I’m tacky (when i…)

  I get drunk at the bank

 And take off my shirt, at least

 because I’m tacky (when i…)

 I would live-tweet a funeral, take selfies with the deceased

 because I’m tacky (when i…)

 If  I’m bitten by a zombie, I’m probably not telling you

 because I’m tacky (when i…)

 If you don’t think that’s bad, guess what, then you’re tacky, too”

                            -lyrics by Wierd Al Yancovic (parody, Pharrell’s “Happy”)