Chit’s chair (one of our last conversations was about Van Gogh’s chair & the wheat field)

(18 May 2011, University of the Philippines College of Mass Communication auditorium. Organizers agreed speakers should write down their speeches with a limit of two minutes for a memorable and meaningful one-hour memorial of many friends and loved ones as speakers) (See also the news video clip below, two posts ago, tnx.) 

                                                  XXX

         This is  Chit’s chair, 

it’s made of real leather, and the only one of its kind in the department. She bought it with her own hard-earned money — if you knew how much a U.P. faculty member received for salary, Chit once wrote, you would weep. I asked her once why she spent money on a chair, albeit the most comfortable one in the office, and she laughed and said  “ha…? (laughs) wala…. para komportable, para maganda ang upo” (translation: “huh….? (laughs) nothing…. for comfort, for good back support”)  and she laughed again, like the real answer was a secret. 

       But i’d like to think it was because Chit was the kind of person who liked to sit back and take a long, long  hard look  before finalizing any work,  she would make a rewrite, a third revision, a fourth edit,  before rushing to judge or before setting out to publish. She did not need fancy gizmos and multi-layered operating systems – the software was in her head; she did not need  branded clothes and jewelry to face people, just  tasteful, fine textile,  dainty crystals, and clear luminescent skin.  A good back support with her ergonomic chair and impeccable research was all she needed for her and her colleagues to set up the pioneering Vera Files. The Vera Files   broke the story on  the questionable properties of the Arroyo brothers in California, the fertilizer fund scam, and the anomalous ZTE broadband deal.

          This is Chit’s room. 

I ran to Chit, to this room,  whenever i had questions about media issues, or when laughable people use big words like hegemonic  or transmogrification, or whenever i was simply peeved with some bureaucratic requirement. She always made me see the essence of things. Most of the time, i complained about numbers —  for example, when we were computing the numbers required of the candidates for professor emeritus, for retiring faculty,  i showed her how a faculty gets ten points for this, two points for that for all of your life’s work, and i  raised my hands to the sky  and said something like: is this what one’s life is reduced into, two points for this ten points for that, is that what one’s life is worth? She went over it, peered at it,  and said softly, “Why does everybody get the same  hundred points for a book regardless of  whether that book had an impact on society or whether it was about something trivial? Shouldn’t they examine it  or consider whether that work made a difference in the lives of many people based on recorded accounts…? Or…why does everybody get the same points as official regardless of whether that official did well or did not do well as an administrator…?” That was it! She saw what i could not see. Brilliant. Chit was able to articulate to me in clearest terms  what i could only whine about. She had that ability. i brought up this argument with the Dean, and he said, good, let’s bring up these comments in the cluster committee. i did, and the people agreed that in addition to the points system, there should be some qualitative discussion on the nature of the work that was being submitted.

        We get drowned in numbers and Chit was able to make me look beyond the numbers and see meanings, see the underlying premises behind those numbers and how those could be questioned, should be questioned.  Very sharp.

      To some, administrative work may seem clerical but Chit always had the patience to listen to my petty travails. She never closed the door on me. Many have written about how excellent a journalist she was, but people often forgot how Chit was the best listener and the best “processor” of a litany of woes. She would just let you talk and tell your story, and if you asked advice, that’s when she processed it for you.

    These are the poster-paintings on a calendar behind Chit’s leather swivel chair:  Eman Lacaba, 

Romulo Sandoval, Lorena Barros, Amado Hernandez, Carlos Bulosan — dead revolutionary Filipino poets. One of our last conversations was about Van Gogh’s chair, i think we were talking about the Inquirer’s layout and conversation meandered to food photography, then to paintings, Van Gogh’s chair and the wheat field where he shot himself — that was how conversations went with Chit, comfortable: We talked about death casually because we meant to live well and long. i once told her i’ve been meaning to write a will and haven’t done it and she said, do that now, don’t postpone it. i did. She taught me not to postpone what was important.  Endless conversations  about life, restaurants, newspaper layouts, hidden wealth of politicians, about living and death —   but never meaning to die . i  once told her i dreamt of a dead person…. or one that didn’t make sense —  being  a student in A.S. all over again (arts and sciences) going in circles on the corridor looking for a classroom then suddenly asking why am i here again? —-  i’m already practising — why am i a student again? — and would wake up abruptly; a recurring anxiety dream in the first year as  department head. i told Chit whenever the dream was illogical, i’d get confused and manage to break out of the dream but abruptly,  and Chit  said, “that’s not true, your subconscious is your clearest, truest sense of what you have in mind…”.

       You could say she has an informal, unpaid career as guidance counsellor, analyst, “rehabilitator”, maybe even therapist. She was generous with sharing her insights.

      These are Chit’s running shoes   and slippers.

     

And this is the path she took every other day with her walking partner, Khrysta. She  took up some yoga classes a couple of years ago and  stopped only because of conflicts in schedule. She was planning to take up dance classes too, perhaps in preparation for the next dance contest this Christmas. As everyone knows, we won last year’s dance contest with our pole dancing. The dance classes as preparation were, perhaps, to cement our reputation as the most shocking and history-making dance group in the university.

     She danced, she walked, she ate heartily,  she researched, reported, wrote, and taught, she loved , ignored the petty, and knew what was important:  Chit intended to live a long and happy life.

     She invested in good running shoes, a healthy and fun lifestyle, a formal M.A. degree with a GWA of 1.5  — although as far as i was concerned, Chit has a Ph.D in journalism with integrity and investigative reporting with a  full paper trail —  invested in lasting friendships, and untiring service to the country, and was untimely snatched from us.

      The country and the world lost an excellent, dedicated, honest journalist, investigative reporter, professor – we in the Department  lost an invaluable friend.

      There’s no one to run to today in that room.

      Ngunit siya ay nabubuhay. (She lives on…)

      Itutuloy natin ang sinimulan ni Chit. (We will continue what she had started.)

     We will march as a symbol of walking our talk… There will be a pealing of the ancient bells, the U.P. Carillon from 11:45 am to 12 noon to the tune of “Bayan Ko” as a symbol of the the University paying  tribute  to one of its most illustrious faculty members, Prof. Chit Estella.

      Maglilikha tayo ng lugar na punong-puno ng buhay –– 

fire trees bilang simbulo ng kagitingan at katapangan ni Chit at narra trees bilang simbulo ng kanyang katatagan.  (We will create a place full of life – fire trees as a symbol of her courage and narra trees as a symbol of her strength)

Isusulat natin at ihahayag sa mga puting ribbons na ito ang ating mga pagpupugay, panalangin, at mga gagawin pa upang ituloy ang mga sinimulan at simulain ni Chit. (We will write down and send messages through these white ribbons and state our  tribute, thanks,  and prayers for Chit, and everything she stood for.)

    Sama-sama nating itutuloy at pauunlarin ang lahat ng kanyang ginawa at gustong gawin! ( And we will untiringly carry forward her intentions.)

       Marami pong salamat. (thank you very much)