UPDATEd: Venue is Mall of Asia. Free shuttle available in U.P., at Quezon Hall, to leave 12 noon, according to the UP CHK student council. Students also have the option of viewing the event on live TV at the college lobby.
J101. Edits. & today’s on-the-spot writing exercise: Sidebarring a story
Edits edits edits
Most students got the basic structure of the straight news report and know how to storify stats and plays.
For the basic sportswriting exercise: many, of course, got what the story was, but for the straight news story style, there was a problem with….too much rooting for the home team (U.P), and a problem with wordiness, or propensity for editorialized/ descriptive clauses to favor the home team.
Please remember that in this exercise, you are wearing your “reporter’s hat” and not your “U.P. student’s hat” .
Here are some edits (more edits during the classroom discussion). Three of the most concise yet vivid news reports will be presented during the classroom discussion.
Today’s on- the- spot writing exercise: Sidebarring a straight news report, follows at the end of this section on edits, please read through:
SOME EDITS (as part of the learning experience):
edits edits edits:
Maroons dunk Archers, snatch top spot
Tumitindig, sumusulong! (edit: delete. Do not sloganeer)
Yesterday went down in UAAP history as the UP Fighting Maroons slammed the DLSU Green Archers, 71-66, in the men’s basketball game in the Big Dome in a surprising winning streak that put them in the top spot. (edit: don’t lead with “Yesterday”; tighten the last 15 words to five words and just give us the result)
Pulling ahead early on in the game, the Maroons had Jett Manuel sinking 14 points along with 5 rebounds and 5 assists, with Paul Desiderio contributing 13 points and 4 boards and Piero Longa with 10 points. (Ok).
xxxxxxxx
The University of the Philippines Fighting Maroons extended their surprisingly unblemished UAAP 78 Men’s Basketball start, trashing the De La Salle Green Archers, 71-66 in the Smart Araneta Coliseum, September 9. (edit: too much rooting for the home team; tighten the first 15 words to 5-7 words and just tell us the result, like, (using your own verbs): UP trashed DLSU 71-66 yesterday extending their win to 2-0.)
Jett Manuel, who scored 14 points, five rebounds and five assists, powered the Maroons in gaining the number one spot of the team standings, 2-0 after 10 years of drought. The enthralling match also featured UP’s revenge on La Salle since its last win in 2009. (Ok. Delete enthralling)
xxxxxxx
The onslaught has yet to stop for the UP Fighting Maroons. (edit: too much rooting for the home team. This lead is not informative. Give us the story right away).
Ironically ending with a 3-point shot from DLSU, UP advances once again in the 78th season of UAAP Men’s Basketball Tournament after its second straight win surprising DLSU with a score of 71-66 last September 9, 2015 at Smart Araneta Coliseum. (don’t lead with “Ironically ending with a 3-point shot from DLSU” because it’s not the story)
UP was leading in all 4 quarters of the game much to the shock of DLSU. (“much to the shock”: too much editorializing)
xxxxxxx
The Fighting Maroons held off Jeron Teng and the Green Archers with their shooting prowess and tight defense. The team continued their surprising winning streak after 10 years in the UAAP Season 78, gaining a victory against De La Salle Green Archers for the first time since August 22, 2009. UP’s victory paved way to a 2-0 standing this Wednesday, September 9 at the Smart-Araneta Coliseum. (too wordy, too many descriptive clauses. Just lead with the story: the result of the game)
DLSU had a strong start this season after defeating previous UAAP champion NU, but with UP’s great team performance, they fell down to a 1-1 record.
xxxxx
Against expectations, the University of the Philippines Fighting Maroons upset the De La Salle University Green Archers with a score of 71- 66 at the Smart Araneta Coliseum, yesterday September 9, 2015. The Maroons secured a win- loss record of 2-0 at the UAAP Season 78, a first for the team since 2009. (too editorialized)
The Archers were caught off- guard as the Maroons sealed the first half, 41- 28. Save for a brief moment in the second quarter, the Maroons maintained the lead throughout the game. The dominant players in the first half were Jett Manuel with 14 points, 5 rebounds, and 5 assists and Paul Desiderio with 13 points and 4 rebounds.
xxxxxxxx
71-66, UP triumphs over La Salle for a Back-to-Back Victory
Started from the bottom, now we’re here! University of the Philippines Fighting Maroons remained on top as they defeated the De La Salle University Green Archers with a score of 71-66, on Wednesday, September 9, 2015 at the SMART-Araneta Coliseum. It has been a decade since UP had a two consecutive win in the Men’s Basketball Tournament of the University Athletic Association of the Philippines. (edit: “Started from the bottom, now we’re here!”. Do not lead with your feelings. Too much rooting for the home team, don’t rah-rah in your straight news report)
Since the first quarter of the game, UP had the leading tally of 16-14. The gap widened by 13 points on the second quarter as UP’s score grew at 41 while DLSU was left behind with 28 points. (Ok)
xxxxxxxx
UP remains undefeated, slams DLSU at 71-66
Loud cheers filled the Smart Araneta Coliseum as the UP Fighting Maroons Men’s Basketball Team bagged their second consecutive win this UAAP season, defeating the DLSU Green Archers with a score of 71-66 yesterday, September 9, 2015. (“Loud cheers filled the Smart Araneta Coliseum…” is not the story. Lead with the story.)
Their first win was against the UE Red Warriors last Saturday.(delete. Put this in the last paragraph)
UP led the game during the first three quarters, ending the third quarter with a difference of 12 points at 54-42.
xxxxxxxxx
UP on top of UAAP leaderboard, remains unbeaten after ambushing DLSU. (edit: we don’t normally use the verb “ambush” in sports stories.)
The University of the Philippines (UP) has taken everyone by surprise as they claimed their second straight win in the 78th Season of the UAAP Men’s Basketball Tournament. (“has taken everyone by surprise”: tighten)
Cheers exploded from the crowd as the Fighting Maroons finished the intense ball game against De La Salle University (DLSU), 71-66 yesterday at the Araneta Coliseum. (edit: “Cheers exploded from the crowd..” too much cheerleading in a news story)
xxxxxx
“UP tasted victory the second time around”
After surviving the first fight of both teams, UP and DLSU had bumped into each other yesterday September 8, 2015 at the Smart Araneta Coliseum for a furious ball game where UP tasted its second win this season for men’s basketball division. (edit: “After surviving the first fight of both teams” is vague and unclear. “UP and DLSU had bumped into each other” is unidiomatic. “for a furious ball game where UP tasted its second win this season for men’s basketball division”: tighten)
Continuing its surprising start, UP Fighting maroons had scored 71-66 beating down the DLSU Green Archers. The first three period ended in favor of UP, leaving a more than 10 points marker every set. (unidiomatic)
But the Green Archers had a late outburst on the last period that set the game to a five point deficit of 64-59, still in favor of the Maroons. The last minute of the game was unbelievable because of the multiple free throws done by UP and the enduring effort of the Archers to catch up with the scoring. (Ok, except for “unbelievable”, “enduring effort” etc.)
xxxxxxxx
Three of the most concise yet vivid news reports from members of the class will be presented during the classroom discussion.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Moving on….
NOTES ON TODAY’S ON-THE-SPOT WRITING EXERCISE: SIDEBARRING A STORY
A straight news story, because of its limits in perspective and form, does not capture all of the possible relevant points of view – no story does. And so, sometimes the editor or news director assigns you to sidebar a story to present the human interest angle and provide a closer look at an aspect of the story that cannot be covered by a straight news report.
Today’s exercise would be sidebarring a story – on the spot. Find a crucial sub-story that requires more exploration or explanation. This exercise will sensitize you to the human interest aspect of all news reports.
Let’s start with sidebarring today’s news event that involves U.P.:
U.P. Fighting Maroons vs. Ateneo Blue Eagles, today, 2pm, MALL OF ASIA ARENA (corrected). Students have the option of viewing the game either at the MALL OF ASIA ARENA (corrected) or thru live TV at the lobby of the college. I will be available to answer any questions in the classroom during class hours.
(suggested sidebars):
♣ a call by the referee that requires explanation or that could be contested
♣ behavior of any of the coaches, athletes, members of the audience that is (a) unsportsmanlike; (b)disruptive of the game; (c)hilarious
♣ scuffles on-court or off-court
♣bad falls, injuries of any player
♣ playing style of certain players
Take down notes and decide what your sidebar would be at the end of the game. 7-8 paragraphs. Deadline: Thursday, 5pm, Oct. 1. Pls post your story here either by copying the link to your post or embedding the text of your story (you can use a pseudonym if you’re shy)
Suggested structure: 1st par: a)a good quote; b)the action of your sidebar story, or what happened; c)a description of the scene. 2nd par: Elaborate on the “who” and the “how”. 3rd par: Provide the “why”, or explanation of what caused incident; 4th par: Explanation of the rules of the game; 5th par: Explanation from both sides; or from those knowledgeable about the game; or from aficionados; etc. 6th par: Historical background; 7th par: Forecast, implications for the next games.
Here are some samples of stylized sidebarring of sports stories:
UAAP on trial – again
By Al Mendoza, for The Standard, Sept. 16, 2013
OBVIOUSLY, a violation has been committed in the University Athletic Association of the Philippines basketball, not only by players but by a coach, as well.
Seemingly, the punishing authority to impose penalties on the cornered culprits had slept on the job.
So, authorities themselves were remiss in rules implementation?
In layman’s language, the rule says team officials and players assessed one-game suspensions with unsportsmanlike fouls committed or other similar offenses.
No problem with that. Officials follow that to the letter.
But there’s a catch, culatilla. The one-game suspension also bars the suspended coach or player to be in the vicinity of the venue on playing day when he is serving the sentence and his team has a game.
A violation of the rule would merit forfeiture of the game for the affected team.
Thus, when Ateneo coach Bo Perasol was serving his one-game suspension just a while back, he was sighted at the venue—and he admitted it—where the Blue Eagles fought the University of the East Red Warriors.
After Ateneo had defeated UE under the tutelage of Ateneo assistant coach Sandy Arespacochaga, UE officials went to the UAAP technical committee to report Perasol’s infraction.
Before the UAAP committee could make a ruling on Perasol’s infraction, it was also reported that UE’s suspended players were also seen on the venue during the Ateneo-UE game.
Either the Committee members were rattled or being diplomatic because, instead of imposing the rule of such violation, i.e. forfeiture of the game for Ateneo, the Eagle victory was upheld and instead, Perasol was given another one-game suspension.
Completely ignored was the rule on forfeiture, ruling instead to suspend Perasol another game.
That isn’t only downright funny, it is also a Solomonic decision in reverse mode.
By not declaring Ateneo at fault, the Committee broke the law, period.
By not also declaring UE at fault with its suspended players also seen at the venue, the Committee broke the law, period.
Simply put, the Committee did not enforce the correct punishment: forfeiture on both schools.
Seemingly again, the Committee has rules that the Committee would wantonly break. Thus, the law enforcer has become the law violator.
This is not only bad for the league but for the fans as well—and, worst, bad for the entire basketball republic, as well.
Are we courting the public ire here?
Has the UAAP committee become callous to criticism? Totally indifferent?
Why UAAP Commissioner Chito Loyzaga has kept mum over all this brouhaha boggles the mind.
Obviously, Loyzaga has merely become a figurehead, is without true grit, forceful powers.
This brings to mind the call of long ago to appoint a permanent UAAP commissioner for him to have a day-to-day guarding of league affairs, including during off-season, as in the PBA where it has a permanent commissioner since its birth in 1975.
The practice of the UAAP to appoint a commissioner every season has become obsolete and defies dynamism in a milieu now fraught with the vagaries of change.
The UAAP commissioner today does not even have enough teeth to decide matters of importance and, during the rare times that he tries to impose his will, he gets overruled often by the Committee.
The UAAP is 76 seasons old but it is odd that it has not adapted to the times, has remained jurassic.
Change is the call of the moment.
xxxxx
And from the legendary Recah Trinidad (this is being included here for sheer style, wit, intentional punning, maintaining a central metaphor):
UST defies a Commandment to win
By Recah Trinidad for The Inquirer. /04/2006
NO, IT COULD not be openly claimed as a case of the better team winning.
Far from it. The University of Santo Tomas Growling Tigers reclaimed the UAAP basketball crown on Monday because they were the better escape artists.
They won because they dared to defy the odds.
Pushed closest to the cliff, they kept their nerves when everything had looked lost.
They won because they were braver, steadier.
The Ateneo de Manila University Blue Eagles?
They had everything to regret, nothing to be ashamed of.
They had lost to a more blessed team.
* * *
No, for Ateneo, it could not be the case of the favorite dropping what had looked like a won championship game.
Okay, UST had lost its team pillar, the powerful center Jervy Cruz, with a minute and 16 seconds left in regulation.
UST was also being outplayed and outscored in stretches.
However, the Tigers simply snapped back and snatched the title after the Eagles had started to run away with the silverware.
Of course, UST’s steadiness would not be defined by the horrible misses from the foul line at the most crucial period — when half a point could spell victory or defeat.
* * *
Add to that the fact that Ateneo had the sharper heroes, like the duo of JC Intal and Macky Escalona, who carried the scoring load in the killing homestretch.
Everything had appeared to be going wrong for the Tigers
But in an incredible twist, Jojo Duncil, eventual series MVP, took over scoring chores.
Once the Tigers had caught up, the Eagles tried hard as they did but could no longer shake them off.
Ateneo had all the chances in the world to win it but Intal also started firing duds.
Meanwhile, Santo Tomas, hideous with free shots, suddenly found the mark from the foul line.
* * *
It could be said that UST reclaimed the UAAP basketball kingship because it also dared violate one of the Ten Commandments.
It was a big steal for the Growling Tigers, originally known as the Glowing Goldies in the days of Renato Reyes, Danny Florencio and other elder legends of the varsity circuit.
UST grabbed victory from the Ateneo Eagles with one of the finest heists in Philippine basketball lore.
Of course, the Tigers had to ride on greater resourcefulness, stronger nerves, to avoid being caught.
* * *
Anyway, it would indeed be corny to suggest that they should request the Vatican to assign a team to investigate UST’s miracle win.
But then, was this not a case of the Dominicans having a better system of worship than the Jesuits?
There must have been some supernatural intervention out there at the Big Dome Monday evening.
For proof — after the deafening hysterics, the endless jumping, the fearless clawing and shoving — the game was inexplicably decided in the quiet and sanctity of the foul line, when most of the fans were praying, clasping rosaries, their eyes averted from the playing court.
xxxx
Another “sidebar”, again, from the equally legendary Al Mendoza, a tongue-in-cheek conspiracy theory from his “source” “Valentin “VD” Dakuykoy”
Cult of the mercenary
By Al Mendoza for The Standard, July 15, 2013
THERE are six Africans in the ongoing University Athletic Association of the Philippines basketball tournament – a record.
Africans, mostly from Nigeria and Cameroon, have been in the league for quite some time now so that it’s no longer a big deal seeing them strut their wares year in and year out.
It’s become virtually a way of life in the UAAP that people in this cage-crazed country accepting African presence in the league has become as natural as sneezing when you have colds.
So in love even are some of our schools with African cagers that one school in the ongoing UAAP cagefest has enlisted two Africans.
That’s because Africans that are being recruited are generally much taller than our homegrown talents, and are therefore a boon to schools they play for.
Under league rules, though, a school can only use one African – or any foreigner for that matter – one at a time during a game.
That’s because dispatching two towering Africans at the same time would give the school an undue advantage – as if having one African behemoth on the hard court isn’t downright advantageous enough.
OK, I write about African cagers today because of a disturbing report I just received from Valentin “VD” Dakuykoy.
Remember VD, my legman of nearly 40 years?
He said African players have now become vulnerable targets of shady characters possibly linked to a syndicate that has unlimited powers to manipulate results of UAAP games.
“Being all Africans with a commonality as players in the UAAP, they bond together, stick together and think as one together,” VD said to me. “Birds of the same feather flock together, right Sir?”
In other words, these players, because of their crucial roles in their respective schools, can help influence the outcome of every game when they are playing.
For example, two clashing schools having an African each in their lineups can be victims of manipulation by their respective African players.
How?
Because they can make or unmake their schools’ title dreams, both Africans may just agree who between their schools would win in the game at hand.
Thus, if School A is picked to win, all the African player from School B has to do is bungle his game. That simple.
Now why would the Africans do such foolishness and agree to sell their souls?
“For the money, Sir,” VD said. “Not for anything, Sir, not to belittle our African brothers, but by the very nature of their presence here, they can be easily sucked into hanky-panky. They are not rich that is why they grab the chance to play here. I can only pray and hope my sources give me wrong data and ill information on the Africans.”
The first African to make an impact on college basketball was Sam Ekwe, who powered San Beda to sensational victories in the NCAA.
Because of Ekwe’s exploits, scouts and enterprising recruiters scoured Africa’s vast basketball resources and would soon peddle finds from Nigeria and Cameroon to schools willing to spend in the hopes of winning championship trophies.
But if we were to quantify though the real worth of Africans present in both the NCAA and UAAP vis-à-vis our basketball development program, not to mention national interests, it could redound to nothing – virtually.
For one, the Africans steal much of the playing time of our homegrown centers, in the process stunting the growth of would-be slot men for our national teams.
For another, after their stints here, the Africans go home – if not bum around here and, God forbid, deteriorate into virtual dregs of society.
Did UAAP Commissioner Chito Loyzaga not already punish an African named Mamie of University of the East for unsportsmanlike conduct during the UE-Adamson game last week, in which Adamson routed heavily-favored UE in unbelievable fashion?
Good job, Chito, but if at all, with the unabated proliferation of Africans in our basketball leagues, aren’t we now guilty of espousing the cult of the mercenary?
You win with suspected hacks in your payroll – when you are not even 100 percent sure of their loyalty if not honesty – may I now light a candle for the art of sleeping with the enemy.
May it not flicker long.
ALL IN As host of the UAAP Season 76, Adamson had the exclusive right to pick the venue of the games. That explains why the Mall of Asia Arena was chosen over Araneta Coliseum…Only La Salle and Ateneo are the schools that don’t have Africans in their lineups in the ongoing UAAP series.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Next week: We will discuss edits of the writing exercises; and proceed with police reporting. Then, the week after that: intro to investigative reporting.
